My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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