Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY