Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
