i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
