There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
