apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
