She said her name was "party"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
