your parents love me but you hate me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize