Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
