Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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