Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
