Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
