So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
