Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
