Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
