Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
