I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
