is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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