Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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