She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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