She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
