When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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