Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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