can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize