I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
