Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
