I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
