the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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