why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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