remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
as a side note pls kill me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
