get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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