he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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