So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
