So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
