so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
