this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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