You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
