this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
