Dude my mom stole all your condoms
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize