yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
