well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
