I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
