If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
