shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
