i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
