it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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