I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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