I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize