The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
