My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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