If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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