Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
