Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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