honey bunches of taint.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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