Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
