i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
