after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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