first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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