Don't EVER smell your tampon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
