Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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