Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My vagina just clenched in fear
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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