I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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