I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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