Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
