There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
