Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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