Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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