How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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